Life Is Full of Ups And Downs

Today was a good day. After two weeks of dwelling and feeling uninspired, I have finally got my positive energy back! I’d really love to know what causes this to happen within myself! It must be subconscious, I suppose.

Today I had my first presentation of the semester. It was for my Human Relations class, a course of which I am currently averaging an 85% in. Myself and two other students – one a Computer Technology student, the other a Social Worker student, did a presentation on Facebook and how it affects our lives and our emotional state. To be honest, as I’ve said, I have been unmotivated for the last two weeks. For that reason, I actually prepared very little to say for this presentation and was rather ill-prepared. However, I kept this mentality that it couldn’t possibly go that bad, and kept telling myself to just talk to the class as I’m talking to a friend of mine. I’ve tried this method of persuasion on the self – convincing my mind otherwise of what may be! But never have I succeeded in doing this so perfectly. When I got in front of the class, I totally took control. I was making eye contact, projecting my voice, speaking confidently. I actually directed the class in a workshop and encouraged interactivity, asking questions and writing things on the board! It felt great, I felt like… like a leader, for lack of a better term! I’m so proud of myself for over coming my doubts – although I truly should have prepared better and do not condone “winging it”, I am still proud and very sure that we got a good grade for the presentation.

After class ended I made my way to the long-term care facility at which I’ve been doing my clinical placement for the last three weeks. We have been going three hours a day, once a week. I knew this would be my final day for this semester at this particular facility, so I was a little anxious and anticipating. It started off great, all of the students in my class (there are about 12 of us) met in the lobby and for the first time – we all REALLY conversed with each other. It felt amazing! It really is starting to feel like I’m getting to know these people, as if we are all becoming a big group of friends rather than smaller groups of cliques and whatever. I’m making it my goal to say “hi” to EVERYONE in my program from now on!

My experience at the nursing home today was unique in that I had my first conversational interaction with a patient. Up until now, I’d been dealing with patients who could not speak. Well, basically, for the first time, I actually TOUCHED a patient today. I helped her stand up and sit down, and she even gave me a kiss on my hand and – the most heart warming experience I’ve had yet – a hug! Now this mustn’t go without saying; the patient suffers from severe mental issues and had a mood swing and started to insult me three minutes later. But it still felt amazing to deal with all of it. The other nurses were so mean to her, and it made me think that I really AM made for this job. I’m kind and caring, I truly am. And I handled everything so well today.

I’m so happy with my education right now. Next week I have exams and then it’s time for a break! And can you believe I will be 1/4 done my program already? Time is going so fast! I can’t wait to complete my education and start my career, I’m way too excited. I finally started organizing everything I’ve been procrastinating on.

OH, AND ONE MORE THING I TRULY NEED TO EXPRESS:

While I was feeding a patient today, one of the PSWs (Personal support workers) was sitting next to me, feeding another patient. She started to shake her head and get teary eyed. She started to talk about how sad life is, and how we all get old. It’s something that has been wearing me down for the last little while, and it’s hard not to let it get to you when you see these depressing, innocent people near death, completely helpless. It’s sad, I know. But it also points something that I always knew, but often let slip my mind…

I am alive, I am young and healthy. I am vibrant and beautiful. I am smart, and quite honestly, I have the potential to be as STRONG as I want to be. Life… it doesn’t last forever. But this is the meaning of our lives! To make the best of it – because one day, we won’t be able to. It really, REALLY hit me today. And I mean, it REALLY did. I’ve always known it but today it really sunk in. These are happy days. And while no, we can’t be happy all of the time… do your best not to waste time being sad! Because one day… your life WILL BE SAD. And you will have no control over it. But now? Now we do. So take control, honestly. Take control and make your dreams come true.

That’s all for now =)

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